A Requiem for Spring
by psychicbunny
Summary: Requiem: a mass for a deceased person, or a song or hymn of mourning composed or performed as a memorial to a dead person.


**A Requiem for Spring **

* * *

_I never should have told you_, she thought as bits and parts of the conversation registered into her mind. 

Tsunade could not help watching her apprentice with nostalgia and regret; for what, she did not know, but she knew that her feelings were like those of a mother who had watched her daughter grow up far too fast. From her storied life and memories, Tsunade knew that fate was cruel and unkind and that the gods gambled upon the lives of mortals, but why the life of a young, bright girl brimming with unrealized hopes?

"Ummm…shishou? Did you hear what I said? Shishou…did you drink more sake again?"

Tsunade snapped back to reality upon hearing her apprentice, soon to be ex-apprentice, question her sober state. The heavy summer haze that hung over the village seemed to have affected her mood; all day long, she had been sluggish and tired, thus causing her mind to swim in and out of reality. "I've been staying away from the liquor like you commanded me to. There's no need to mother hen me."

Sakura raised her eyebrows out of skepticism. "If you say so…it's only for your well-being, and I hope you realize that," the girl—no, Tsunade corrected herself, the young woman— replied while smoothing out the skirt of her white medic uniform.

_Oh, how the roles have changed: from a mother worrying about her daughter to a daughter worrying about her mother,_ Tsunade mused. _Except I'm not her mother, and she's not my daughter. _

* * *

The regret suffocated her and kept her from saying any words of comfort to Sakura. Of all the knowledge she had imparted into the young woman, she had forgotten to teach her the value and pain of love. Their situation was terribly ironic: they, the best of healers, knew how to heal every wound of everyone else except the wounds of their own hearts. 

Sakura, her eyes red and teary but never wavering, stared at Tsunade. "I'm sure I'm making the right decision. It's for the best."

"But is it?" Tsunade questioned. "He doesn't love you, and you know he never will." Watching the expression of her former apprentice carefully, Tsunade began listing her objections. "Sakura, you're everything I ever wanted my daughter to be: intelligent, witty, beautiful, bright…you can snatch any man you want out there. Why him? He'll crush you with his heel."

Sakura sighed as she moved to the window to watch the guests take their seats and the priest prepare for the outdoor ceremony. The sun shone with all its might, and its warm rays negated the sharp bite of the air that spoke of autumn. "I know," she barely whispered before looking back at her teacher. "I do not ask or expect for much; all I ask for is a comfortable home, and considering Sasuke's situation, I know that my chance of happiness is as good as anybody else's."

"Even if he ignores you for the rest of your life and treats you as a stranger?" Tsunade asked. As her reply, Sakura gazed straight ahead, and Tsunade saw everything in those sober eyes: the sadness, the pain, the weariness, and many other indescribable emotions. Sakura's eyes, once bright and lively, had been replaced by gray, dull stones that revealed a yielding to fate.

"He will take care of me, and I can ask for no more," Sakura reiterated before heading towards the heavy oak doors. With each step she took, her gown flitted across the marble floor, and the rustling reminded Tsunade of the sibilant sound of slithering chains. "That is the best fate I can hope for."

"What happened to fighting against fate?" Tsunade asked. Once again, the ironies struck Tsunade in her old age: she, as the leader, had ordered that Sakura be part of the mission to retrieve Uchiha Sasuke, Sakura's childhood crush with the laundry list of mental health issues, with the result now being their loveless marriage. Since the completion of that mission, Tsunade had berated herself many times for telling Sakura about Sasuke's status and sending her to help with his retrieval. If she had sent for the assassination of Uchiha Sasuke, she would have been heavily criticized by the village elders, and perhaps even stripped of her title, but it would have been worth it for the happiness of one girl.

"Not all of us can fight against fate, shishou," Sakura replied, gathering the white skirt of her wedding gown and then picking up her shimmering veil, glancing wistfully at it before placing it atop her head and parting the folds across her face.

"You cry out of sadness on your wedding day," Tsunade observed before Sakura left the room.

"This is not my wedding day; it is my wake."

As she watched her dearly beloved walk down the aisle, Tsunade finally understood what others had meant by a fate worse than death. Up until this point, she had never understood what they meant; she had been trained to save people, so death was the worst possible consequence. Now, Tsunade knew that a merciful death was a gift and not a curse. _Oh gods, what have I done?_ she importuned. _What lessons have I failed to learn and teach?

* * *

_

Sakura rubbed her swollen belly as she watched the fire crackle and leap in the fireplace. "Thank you for the toys; I'm positive he'll love them."

Tsunade pursed her lips as she thought about the growing baby in Sakura's womb. It was a chance for her to be happy, wasn't it? It was a chance for things to start anew; that was the promise of life. The precious woman was smiling and laughing now as the conversation turned towards the future. "Can you imagine us in a year? This little one will be with us," she said, glowing, as she looked down at her belly. "Everything will be perfect."

"Assuming that Sasuke will be with us as well?" Tsunade questioned, only to feel a pang of regret when she saw the shadow of unhappiness flicker onto the face of the other. However, the truth needed to be said; the happy façade was sickening for she could feel the coldness and loneliness the moment she stepped into the home.

"Sasuke is busy serving this village," Sakura replied quietly. "You know that, since you gave him the mission."

"He requested that mission," Tsunade answered tartly. "It almost seemed as if he was running away from something."

"He wasn't running away from anything; he simply wanted to help us out the best he possibly could."

"And that includes shunning you and not attending to your needs?" Tsunade questioned. "You deserve better."

"An angry woman who demands too much is like a troubled fountain: muddy, repugnant and sullied, and while so, no one, no matter how dry or thirsty, will touch her."

With a sigh, Tsunade turned to a window and watched as the snow drifted to the ground, creating the idyllic, pure landscape of a white winter. "I know Sasuke cares for you and the baby, and I know that he will take care of you to the best of his abilities," she said after a moment of silence.

And yet, despite her rationalizations, Tsunade felt as though the expecting mother in front of her was slipping away and living on borrowed time. _Not on borrowed time,_ she corrected. _Borrowed love. _It was at times like these that she wished there was one omniscient, omnipotent god who had the ultimate wisdom upon which to act. _At least then there would be no gambling on our lives.

* * *

_

Regret clawed at Tsunade as she watched Sakura breathe laboriously. Throughout her entire life, her mistakes had been paid with the lives of her beloved—her brother, her lover, her teammates, and now, her surrogate daughter. She never learned her lesson, did she? How many more lives, how many more loved ones before she could live her life in peace?

Sakura, propped up by numerous pillows, sat in her bed with a peaceful smile upon her face. "Thank you for everything, shishou," she said in a quiet, strained voice. "Thank you."

Tsunade shook her head as tears began to swell in her eyes. "You do not need to thank me Sakura, for I have done nothing good for you."

"Why do you say that? You taught me everything I know."

"But I failed to teach you what you really needed to know," Tsunade replied. "All the pain that could have been avoided…"

"I would not have chosen to live my life in any other fashion," Sakura cut in before Tsunade could continue with her thoughts. "I am happy with what I have seen."

"But what about what you have felt?" Tsunade asked. "Can you honestly say that you have felt true love and happiness?"

"I am happy now. Isn't that enough?"

"You are on your death bed," Tsunade replied, the tears leaking down her cheeks, "and yet you are happy as you lie dying."

"I have no regrets, shishou, and neither should you," Sakura told her in an airy voice that bore no resemblance to the strong melody it once was. She was ghostly against the pure white linens of her bed. "Sasuke now has everything he ever wished for. My purpose is done." Peering over to the bassinet across the room, Sakura smiled and sighed. "Will you make sure that he knows that I love him, and that I'll always be watching over him?" she asked of her old teacher, and with a conceding nod, Tsunade assented.

Tsunade watched as Sakura shut her eyes, a smile gracing those lips, and before long, her breathing stopped, and she never woke again. It was a cruel bet that the gods had placed; didn't they know that parents were not meant to bury their children? In reply, the warm spring rain fell outside, not pouring or drizzling, but simply enough to wash away the dirt and grime that coated the streets and marred the facades.

A defeated mother closed her eyes, weary of all the pain she had witnessed, and thought back to all the lessons she had taught her beloved child. She thought about her fateful decisions and those ominous words. _If I had known it would end like this, I never would have told you._


End file.
